Monday, October 7, 2013
Can someone please check my English writing?
Can someone please check my English writing?
I need some help with camp america application :) subject: Personal Essay - Please write about your family, interests, hobbies and other experiences which will make you a good staff member. A camp environment can often require you to show initiative and leadership. Please give examples when you have used these characteristics in your professional/educational career. Please write 2-3 paragraphs about yourself. I am 21 years old student from Poland and I lived in Wałbrzych with my parents untill I moved out 70 miles from my home to Opole where I am studing now. I visit my mom and dad twice a month or even more often. I have a brother which is three years older than me. He just finished officer school and unfortunately we rarely see each other. I don't have much free time but when I find some I like spend it in such away that I feel relaxed like singing or playing guitar because I love it. Besides I love to learn new things. On summer vacation a few years ago I worked on summer camp in the kitchen. I started this job a few weeks after other employees so I was new there. I acclimatised very quickly and after few days I knew everything about this job. In conclusion I think I am communicative, outgoing and flexible person who does not give up easly. I hope that working on camp in USA help me fulfill my dream and it will be a wonderful andventure.
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1 :
I am a 21 year old student from Poland and I lived in Wałbrzych with my parents until I moved out 70 miles from my home to Opole where I am studding now. I visit my mom and dad twice a month or more. I have a brother who is three years older than me. He just finished officer school and unfortunately we rarely see each other. I don't have much free time but when I find some I like to spend it in such a way that I feel relaxed. For example, I like singing or playing guitar because it relaxes me. Besides, I love to learn new things. On summer vacation a few years ago I worked at a summer camp in the kitchen. I started this job a few weeks after other employees so I was new there. I acclimatised very quickly, and after just a few days, I knew everything about the job. In conclusion, I think I am communicative, outgoing, and a flexible person who does not give up easily. I hope that working on camp in the USA will help me fulfill my dream and it will be a wonderful adventure. It was a wonderful application. I believe you should add what your dream is in the last sentence. It would help clear a few things up. You're English is very good. You only had a few minor mistakes Good luck and I hope you get the job!
2 :
I am a 21 year old student from Poland and I used to live in Walbrzych with my parents until I moved 70 miles away from my home to Opole, where I am living now. (I made it in the present tense) I visit my parents twice a month or more. (parents is easier to say than mom and dad, and often or even more often seems kind of repetitive) I have a brother who is three years older than me. (which is refers to an object, but your brother is a person) He just finished officer school and unfortunately we rarely see each other. (Nothing wrong with this) I don't have a lot of free time but when I find some I like to spend it in such a way that I feel relaxed. I enjoy both singing and playing guitar. (It sounds better as two sentences than one, and there are some miscellaneous errors in grammar) (from here on out I'm just giving suggestions as to how to word it better) I also love to learn new things. On summer vacation a few years ago I worked at summer camp in the kitchen. I started this job a few weeks after other employees so I was new there. I acclimatised very quickly and after a few days I knew everything about this job. In conclusion, I think I am a communicative, outgoing and flexible person who does not give up easily. I hope that working in Camp America will help me fulfill my dream and it will be a wonderful adventure. Hope I helped.
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