Sunday, June 1, 2014
how is this written? ?
how is this written? ?
This is for a scholarship, please point out any mistakes, even content related. THANKS!!!!! <3 When at the age of thirteen I stepped into a plane heading for America, I had no idea of what lay ahead of me. My parents repeatedly told me that in the United States I would have a better future, and a chance to pursue a fulfilling career. In Poland, I was always a good student, but in America I had to do more than excel at schoolwork. I had to conquer the challenge of learning a new language and assimilating myself to a distinct culture. Fortunately, I was blessed with a caring, motivating family and an education that I learned to love and appreciate. My family always stressed the impact of learning, and the results that a college education can bring. However, I did not decide to go to college because it might grant me prestige or a better financial status. For me, learning is a joy in itself and I think that it celebrates human dignity. Reason makes people commit moral actions, which in turn contribute to peace and order in society as a whole. College so far has shown me how wide the horizons of knowledge really are, and how much more there is still to learn. I have a strong urge to complete my education with a master or a doctoral degree. I exactly remember when I was four years old and my grandmother thought me how to read. It was probably the best gift anyone could give me. Since then I began collecting books and uncovering new realms of imagination. It is mostly my love for reading that made me dream of becoming an English major. I think that if I can become a literature professor and translate this wisdom into others’ lives, then I can shape them into better human beings. What’s more, I would receive enormous satisfaction from constantly teaching and learning. When I volunteered at a kindergarten there was nothing more satisfying to me than seeing a spark of insight on a child’s face. This scholarship would be extremely helpful because my family’s funds are limited.Although my parents received college degrees in Poland, their inability to speak English lowered their chances of getting good jobs. Nevertheless, they inspired me to work hard and to dedicate myself to helping others. Being from a different country does not discourage me from learning, on the contrary it motivates me to be outstanding. The fear that I experienced when I walked into that plane five years ago, had passed. Now I am left with motivation, curiosity and a dream of an influential career that I have yet to fulfill.
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1 :
Your English is really good!! Almost nothing sounds awkwardly worded or anything. There are just a few mistakes: On line 20, you put, "my grandmother thought"... you misspelled "taught". It should be "my grandmother taught". "I think that if I can become a literature professor and translate this wisdom into others’ lives, then I can shape them into better human beings." The following sounds better: "I think that if I can become a literature professor and translate this wisdom into others’ lives, I can shape them into better human beings." "Being from a different country does not discourage me from learning, on the contrary it motivates me to be outstanding." This sentence has incorrect punctuation. It should have a semi-colon, like this: "Being from a different country does not discourage me from learning; on the contrary, it motivates me to be outstanding." "The fear that I experienced when I walked into that plane five years ago, had passed." This contains an unnecessary comma. Instead, try this: "The fear that I experienced when I walked into that plane five years ago had passed." Those are the only errors I found! Good job. I'm also working on my scholarship applications today... I guess I'm lucky in that I'm doing them in my first language. Haha. Good luck!
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